Football Week: AFC South Preview

It’s football week here on planet Shot To Nothing and so we’re going to be previewing a different NFL division every day. And also comparing each team to a popstar… ’cause that’s the kinda shit we’re into. Bitch.

AFC South

Home of your 'world' champion Indianapolis Colts... In their predicted order:

The Indianapolis Colts - R.E.M.
Sure they play great, but man is their leader a freaky son of a... I, for one, was glad when the Colts finally reached the top and Manning got rid of that monkey on his shoulder. I had grown sick of listening to idiots who decreed that Peyton wasn't a great QB becuase he had never won the superbowl etc. It was time for the bus-faced one to show us that he could indeed, win the big games.

And now that he's done it and half the team have gone elsewhere I did have reservations about choosing them as division winners. But not for long. The thing is, I've always thought of the Colts aapproach to football as being similar to Brazil's in their approach to soccer i.e. 'It doesn't matter how many you score, we will score one more.' That's how they play and it seems to work for them. Their offense still has the key players they had last year, although the loss of Dominic Rhodes (who in my opinion saved the day for them both in the S.B. and the AFC Championship) could be a huge blow. Despite this, I still see them as the constant threat to any aspiring AFC team.

The Tenesee Titans - Christina Aguilera
The Titans, lead by Vince Young, are young hot and flashy. I'm was a bit concerned by Vince Young's apparent love of... well, himself, but I guess that's what happens when you take a losing team and make them a winning one in your rookie season. It's almost a shock when you remember that thew Titans only finished 8-8 last year, so impressive were their final outings, but I'm not sure I would predict them to do much better. I see them as a 9-7 team this year, possibly scraping into the playoffs.

The Jacksonville Jaguars - Milli Vanilli
Sorry Jags fans, I just don't buy the hype. Sure you can dress the team up, sing about the defense and about Byron's return, but the truth is the Jags are just another average team that aren't sure which direction they want to go in. Fred Taylor seems to become progressively less impressive year by year and the wide receiver core is sorely lacking in talent. I just don't see them doing anything big this season.

The Houston Texans - Usher
The Texans have made some great moves in the off-season, bringing in Matt Schaub and Ahman Green, but they lack substance where it matters. Is Schaub really going to do a better job behind that shaky O-line then David Carr did? I doubt it. It will likely be another long season for Texans fans but atleast the team looks to be going in the right direction.