Shot to Nothing

Monday, June 25, 2007

Sports Positions that are Sexually Ambiguous

Many times when I'm watching sports (so that's many times multiplied by many times then?) I notice that a particular position seems to be a little more open to innuendo then the others. (Inyourend-o). I often wonder how these names were thought up; what was he thinking? etc etc. And so below is a list of the dubious positions I have noticed so far.

Slot Receiver - I for one would not like to be receiving anything in my slot. Nor would I want people to describe me as being 'excellent at receiving it in the slot'. Obviously the slot is important to everybody, it's just not something that belongs in a sports name.

Hooker - Whoever invented Rugby Union must have been short on ideas when it came to naming the positions. We can only assume that a 'Lady of the Night' happened to stroll past the position namers' window at the time and he had a light bulb moment. Which perhaps, as a position after Hooker is simply called 'Number Eight', leads us to the conclusion that the Lady was not waiting long for her next customer...

Hole Check - Now come on, this is just getting silly. Why would Water Polo need a player whose distinct role involves checking the hole? And whose hole are we talking about here? His own, or somebody elses? I can't decide whether the word 'Gap' would have been better used here or not. Or perhaps, oh I don't know... 'Checker', 'Forward Defender' or anything else along those lines might have been a better choice.

Tight-End -  The position of Tight-End provides us with such a large amount of juvenile humour through-out the Football season that it deserves to make this list more then any of the others. 'Brady forced that one into the Tight-End', 'The running back went up the inside of the Tight-End' and on and on...

Fine Leg - Doesn't a fine pair of legs usually come in pairs? Then again, on the odd occasion that I've seen any Cricket, there hasn't been any sexiness on the field at all. Mostly it's just a bunch of slow-moving pot belied dudes walking around a field. Maybe the position was named after the creator was shocked to catch a glimpse of a nice leg during a wayward streak?

So there you have it. If there are any I have missed out then feel free to add them
on in the comments.

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At 9:11 am, Anonymous Signal to Noise said...

That's not even getting into expressions. Five hole, anyone.

Also, "swingman" in the NBA may fit into this category.

At 9:34 am, Anonymous Cheap Shots #39: The “I Spent Saturday Night In” Edition « Signal to Noise said...

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At 7:57 pm, Anonymous Rob said...

He used to be a tight end, but now he's a wide receiver

At 8:18 am, Anonymous parentalguidance said...

Such assumptions highlight your subpar research skills, or a lackey attempt to provide cynical observations between the comparisons of sport and society. Try to establish some maturity over your procreative mind.


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