Isn't It Time The Premier League Had A Playoff?

The key reason I don't like the Premier League is that it is entirely uncompetitive. In twelve seasons only three teams have won the title and it looks unlikely that any team outside of Arsenal, Chelsea and Man Utd will ever win it again.

With the season often over for many teams only 3/4 of the way in, perhaps the Premier League should consider introducing a playoff to decide it's annual winner.

The structure would be fairly simple; The top six teams make it into the playoff with the top two receiving a first round bye and securing home-field advantage. The games would be played in knockout format and the final could be played at Wembley, in one of the hottest sporting tickets of the year.

This would be a win win system for the Premier League. Not only would it give six teams a decent shot at winning the big one each year, but it would also provide a truck load in TV money (like they need anymore). It would only mean an extra three games for a maximum of two teams and it would lead to some absolute thrillers.

Now I'm sure fans of the 'big three' won't like it, but given time I'm sure that even they will see the benefits. So whaddya' think peeps? Is it time for the FA to move with the times and give us a playoff?

Man Utd. Sign Nine Year Old. No, Seriously.

Up until last week nine year old Australian kid Raihn Davis was just some talented junior who scored more goals then his team-mates. But not anymore!

After his grandfather put together a DVD of him playing for his school team, Manchester United picked up the phone and signed Rhain to their youth squad. Previous to this move, David Beckham was the youngest player ever signed by a club, at age 14. I guess they figured that that turned out ok, so heck, why not sign a kid who's barely learned his 2 times table?

Here is young Rhain's er... 'highlight reel':

[youtube="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hG47FDenyXw"]

One of the biggest clubs in the world signs a nine year old Australian kid after watching a dvd of him which his grandfather sent to them. Sometimes this shit just writes itself.

Sports Positions that are Sexually Ambiguous

Many times when I'm watching sports (so that's many times multiplied by many times then?) I notice that a particular position seems to be a little more open to innuendo then the others. (Inyourend-o). I often wonder how these names were thought up; what was he thinking? etc etc. And so below is a list of the dubious positions I have noticed so far.

Slot Receiver - I for one would not like to be receiving anything in my slot. Nor would I want people to describe me as being 'excellent at receiving it in the slot'. Obviously the slot is important to everybody, it's just not something that belongs in a sports name.

Hooker - Whoever invented Rugby Union must have been short on ideas when it came to naming the positions. We can only assume that a 'Lady of the Night' happened to stroll past the position namers' window at the time and he had a light bulb moment. Which perhaps, as a position after Hooker is simply called 'Number Eight', leads us to the conclusion that the Lady was not waiting long for her next customer...

Hole Check - Now come on, this is just getting silly. Why would Water Polo need a player whose distinct role involves checking the hole? And whose hole are we talking about here? His own, or somebody elses? I can't decide whether the word 'Gap' would have been better used here or not. Or perhaps, oh I don't know... 'Checker', 'Forward Defender' or anything else along those lines might have been a better choice.

Tight-End -  The position of Tight-End provides us with such a large amount of juvenile humour through-out the Football season that it deserves to make this list more then any of the others. 'Brady forced that one into the Tight-End', 'The running back went up the inside of the Tight-End' and on and on...

Fine Leg - Doesn't a fine pair of legs usually come in pairs? Then again, on the odd occasion that I've seen any Cricket, there hasn't been any sexiness on the field at all. Mostly it's just a bunch of slow-moving pot belied dudes walking around a field. Maybe the position was named after the creator was shocked to catch a glimpse of a nice leg during a wayward streak?

So there you have it. If there are any I have missed out then feel free to add them
on in the comments.

Competition Time. Win $30 worth of Amazon.com Goodness! Free to enter!!

That's right, you can win a $30 Amazon.com gift voucher just by entering our free competition. It's open to anybody 18 or over who has an email account, so check out the rules below and join in!

To enter all you have to do is tell me why you love your favorite sport. In three words or less. It doesn't matter what sport you love or why you love it but the reason must be no more than three words in length. For example:

I love football and my reason (one of them anyway) is "Unnecessary Roughness". Having a foul for 'Unnecessary Roughness' implies that, in order to play the game, there is necessary roughness. Which is brilliant and humorous at the same time.

You can choose a facet of the sport, a player that you love to watch, or whatever you like, as long as it's three words or less, it's all gravy.  You can leave an explanation of your choice if you want. The winner will be the one that I like the best and my decision is final bitch.

The competition will run from right now to the 1st of July. Entries can be made by comment or by email to shottonothing[/at/]gmail.com and you can enter as many times as your heart desires. The winner will be announced on Monday the 2nd of July and will be notified by email (so remember to send me your email address if you're answering via a comment!)


Good luck and thanks for taking part!

AC Milan 2 - Liverpool 1 - It wasn't a draw!

The result that everybody expected came good last night as AC Milan finally got revenge for their loss to Liverpool two years ago on penalties. Credit to Liverpool for going toe to toe with them and actually playing some decent attacking soccer, but in the end the best team won.

And they did it in style too. Italian teams aren't generally known for their attacking play but Milan's sheer class showed through last night as the awesome Pippo Inzaghi scored twice, once in each half. By the time Liverpool drew one back it was too late.

At the very least it was a watchable game, with fast attacking play from both sides. It doesn't change my views about soccer at all but it was nice to see a couple of teams who actually looked liked they cared whether they won or lost. And that is a scarce thing in top flight European soccer these days.

[BBC Sport]

Champions League 2007 - Are we set for another 'thrilling' penalty shootout?

Saying I'm not much of a soccer fan is a bit of an underexageration. The truth is that in non international matches, I would rather jam some rather unpleasent herbal pain inducers up my ass for an entire ninety minutes then watch the whole game.

And you know what? The Champions League Final isn't any different in the slightest. (Thought this post was going a different way didn't ya?)Read more »

Romario Scores his 1000th Goal. (Maybe)

Brazilian Footballer and Legendary striker Romario has finally scored his 1000th goal. Despite being well past the average age of retirement (he is now 41), Romario was determined to keep playing untl he reached the elusive mark. Currently playing for CR Vasco de Gama, his 1000th goal was a penalty awarded whilst playing Sport Recife. There is a clip below.

Some sports writers and statititions claim that Romario has massaged the stats somewhat to included youth games, friendly's and testimonials and therefore his total is less than a thousand. Really though, if you're arguing over whether a guy has done something impressive 1000 times or 900-odd times, you should definately be getting out more. When was the last time you did something of note 900 times? And no, getting a boner does not count.

[youtube="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HWC2ttsdIH4"]

[Romario Wiki]

FA Cup Final: In Quotes

If you were lucky enough to miss the FA Cup final today, here are some quotes from the commentators (John Motson and Mark Lawrenson)who seemed to be reading my mind throughout the entire game.

"This is probably the most boring 20 minutes we've seen all season..." - 20 mins

"Sorry we're a bit quiet, it's just that there's nothing to talk about..." - 30 mins

"Perhaps the ref is saying to him 'Can we have a game of football please?'" - 34 mins

"Maybe the grass is too long and it's affecting the play..." - 42 mins

"Strange that Joe Cole has been taken off, he seemed to be the only player having any impact" 46 mins

"75 minutes in and it's still nil-nil..." 75 mins

"JM - Have those few moments of improvement now faded?

ML - Yes I think they have. The closer it gets to 90 minutes, the more the players seem to be going for extra time" - 80 mins

"I must say I think Steve Bennet (The Referee!) has had a good game..." - 85 mins

"Other then a brief spell in the second half, the rest of the game has been rather lathergic." 87 mins

"JM - One minute to go until extra time.

ML - (Sarcastic tone) Can't wait..." 91 mins

"It's been a bit grueling I have to say." 92 mins

"Any body bored yet?" end of 1st period of Extra Time.

They said it all. And if you haven't heard, Chelsea won 1-0 with a last minute of Extra Time toe-poke from Diddier Drogba. This was yet another exhibition of the death of soccer and the stadium was the only interesting thing about it.

David Beckham can Kiss this Guys Ass

Here's a quick clip from the Under-22's game between the mighty soccer nations of Japan and Hong Kong. I don't know who this guy is (if you do then please let me know), but that reverse swing is chock full of awesomeness.

There's a whole lot of Goal Keepers around the world who just choked on their cookies.

[youtube="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yDbX8I202VU"]

Liverpool Score! In German!!

Liverpool clearly have some weird juju shit going on over Chelsea when it comes to the champions league. This is funny for so many reasons, but the main one is that Roman Abramovich has been throwing bucket loads of cash at his team for years now in a desperate bid to buy the champions League title. If it weren't for Liverpool, they would have won it at-least twice already...

Anyway, this video is a little misty, but it's great because the commentary is in German. Seriously, if all soccer announcing was done in German, I might actually watch more games. At-least then there would be an element of entertainment to the affair.

[youtube="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DfKFIoVuc0I"]

Poland and Ukraine win Euro 2012

In a classic 'did he or didn't he moment' the Uefa official let the world know who had won by opening the envelope like so ->

Poland and Ukraine's joint bid to host the European Championships in 2012 was successful. They beat out widely favoured Italy for the chance to host the event.

Joint bids are all the rage these days since the success of the World Cup held in South Korea and Japan back in 2002. Now I don't know why Poland/Ukraine is a better prospect than Hungary/Croatia but that's what the judges went for, so that's what we're stuck with. What I'm concerned about is who's next? Greenland/Canada? Sudan/Yemen? Maybe we'll get a threeway bid; how does Mongolia/Papua New Guinea/Federated States of Micronesia sound?

Phhhbbt, 2012 is an Olympic year anyway, who cares about the European  Soccer Championships?

It's the Heat that Drives them Crazy

There were not one, not two but three professional athletes arrested down in South Beach, Florida last night. But only one of them really deserves a full comment.

That one is none other than Florida Panthers *star* Ville Peltonen who was the first of the three to be arrested. The 33 year old Fin was arrested and charged with criminal mischief after he was seen using a metal pole to smash up the passenger side of a Fire-Rescue Truck. But wait, this gets even better: (From the Miami Herald)

"The report does not indicate a motive, but it did say he was smiling the entire time."

Now doesn't that just take the biscuit? Not only was he bashing away on a Miami Beach Fire Department vehicle but he was thoroughly enjoying himself too. The only reasoning I can take from this is that this was some deep seated revenge attack, spurred on by a horrible childhood memory and fueled by alcohol.

Man, that mental image of Mr. Peltonen bashing ten types of shit out of a fire truck, alone on South Beach at 1 am and with a fucking great grin on his face will keep me in stitches for many years to come. Thanks Ville, comedy moment of the year so far.

The other two sportsman/yahoos were Peltonen's teammate Ed Belfour who was charged with disorderly intoxication and the Heat's James Posey who was jailed on a DUI charge. But neither of them had a grin on their face so they don't get the full write up.

Soccer IS dying - it turns out I was right...

Today the Football League set up a 'working party' to investigate ways that they can make the game more attractive.

I know; I'm as shocked as you are believe me. Traditionally the FA, the football League, Fifa, Uefa or whoever the fuck turn down any new proposals to update the game of soccer. They seem to impervious to the falling viewing figures, falling attendances and the fact that soccer is run the same way now as it was 200 sum years ago when it was invented. They refuse to even bring in instant replay to modernise the game. Even Cricket has brought in Instant replay forgoonessake...

It's good to see atleast one of the soccer governing bodies actually accepting that soccer has become...well, kinda dull. There's only so many times a guy will pay $200 to sit in his $150 shirt and watch a nil-nil draw before he starts to feel a bit short changed.

But it ain't time for the hallelujahs just yet folks. Among other things the 'working party' is looking at introducing penalties to decide drawn games. And herein lies the heart of the issue; The Football League are looking to decide the result after a draw when what they should be looking at is why there are so many draws in the first place.

I've been over and over the reasons why soccer refuses to change but the number one road block is the refusal of the governing bodies to accept that games should be won and lost in 90 minutes and the more goals the better.

And you know what? It would be ridiculously easy for them to make this happen. Just pick any one of the following:

kick-ins instead of throw-ins

Goals scored outside of the penalty box should be worth two points instead of one.

If the game is drawn on ninety minutes both keepers are removed and its sudden death.

If the game is drawn on ninety minutes both teams pick their best six players and play sudden death

If the game is drawn on ninety minutes you play sudden death until somebody wins

No more points for a draw.

Other good ideas would include: Reviewing games after they have been played and suspending any diving players for severe lengths of time. Rigidly timed clock that ends exactly on ninety minutes, only the captains can talk to the refs.

Unless any of this happens soccer will die a slow and bankrupt death.

A 90 minute borefest decided by a cheap shot...

  ...welcome to soccer in the year 2007.

I know I bang on about the death of soccer alot but last nights Uefa Champions League 'game' (and I use the term loosely) between Manchester United and Lille was a brilliant example.

Is anybody talking about what the score was or who won today? The answer is no. Is anybody describing in painfully acute detail the winning goal? No again. In fact, the only thing that gets a mention from last nights game (and it only gets mentioned by those with absolutely nothing else whatsoever to talk about, like err... me...) is something that nearly happened. The Lille players nearly walked off the pitch after Ryan Giggs 'scored' from a free kick.

I may be going against the grain of popular thought out there, but isn't having the most important matches of the soccer calender decided by a cheap shot taken when the other team isn't ready, just a little bit... well... sad?  (and by sad I mean 'loser' sad and not cry me a river, boohoo sad...)

The game itself was awful. Neither team ever looked like they particularly wanted the win (which is pretty much par for the course in top flight European Soccer these days), a lucky cheap shot was the deciding factor and at the end of the game, both sides claimed that Uefa should do something about the state of play in the sport (which Uefa will completely ignore of-course, as they do every week).

I only wish that this kind of game hadn't become the type of stereotypical match we have come to expect week in and week out. Screw it, I'm off to watch lawn bowls...

We just don't see enough male bonding in sports these days...

<- Whatever his problem is, I'm sure as hell that what you're doing there ain't helpin'

I'll take any chance I can to rib soccer. This image just confirms that soccer is indeed, full of pansies. (ok it doesn't, but soccer is still full of nancy boys aiight?)

I mean, is there any real reason that the physio can't stand above the player and pull/push his leg forwards?

A Pointless 'Epic'

Liverpool unexpetedly beat Chelsea 2-0 in The Premiership (aka the most uncompetitive league in the entire world in any sports including curling, lawn bowls and caber tossing…) today. It was promoted by the media as one of those huge matchups between giants that would decide who gets the title. It wasn't.

Pretty much every soccer fan in the entire world knew that, once again, there were only really two teams that had the money to win (/buy) the trophy this year. It was either going to be Chelsea or Manchester United. We all knew it and before we’d even reached Christmas (the halfway point of the season) we were proved right.

Yet still the clowns of soccer punditry played this game up like it actually had any significance to the final results. The league table currently looks like this:

Team	P	W	D	L	PTS
Man Utd	23	18	3	2	57
Chelsea	24	15	6	3	51
Liverpool	24	14	4	6	46
Arsenal	23	12	6	5	42
Bolton	23	12	4	7	40

Between first and third place there is a massive 11 point difference. Between first and fifth there is a frankly ridiculous 17.

I don’t care if this match means Man Utd. have the Premier League sown up. The Premier League was already sown up before this season had even begun. This is supposed to be the biggest and best soccer league in the entire world and all it really is is a farce. If you’re club has got the money, you win (/buy) the trophy. Thats the way it is and nobody seems to care. A third of the season left and we already know whose going to win. What a joke.

With falling attendences and T.V. viewing figures, how much longer do the idiots in the F.A. really think this is going to last?

Thank the Lord there is some decent NFL action on this weekend.

I hate to break it to you Alexi Lalas...

After the announcement that David Beckham would be joining the L.A. Galaxy next season, Alexi Lalas was filled to the brim with pride for his club:

"The Los Angeles Galaxy are looked upon as the jewel of Major League Soccer."

You notice he didn't say, by whom they are looked upon as the 'Jewel in the Crown'. Perhaps by Alexi himself. And their fans of-course, all two of them.

"We play in the best stadium, we have had incredible success over the history of the league, we have had great individual players and great teams. There's a tradition of excellence."

His cup overfloweth.

"All of this leads to this race to become the first MLS super club, if you will."

Alright thats enough, sit down and shut up Ginger Beard. Beckham is making the leap across the pond for one reason and one reason only. It's the same one that has enticed all the other useless, past it, old timers that can't cut it in the Europen Leagues; One Big Fat Pay Day!

By making this move not only will he be payed well, but his phone will be ringing off the hook with endorsement deals AND he'll actually be a good player again! He may even score a few goals and get to hear people shout his name out in joy rather then to attract his attention to the bird they are flipping him .

Come on, admit it Alexi, the MLS doesn't attract huge players with its prestige, it does it with the promise of dollar bills and a slightly longer career in a league where they won't be jeered.

Is this News? Seriously??

The top story over on BBC Sport at the moment reads as follows:

"Beckhams Madrid Future Undecided" - Thats the headline. Yup thats it.

Is that news? Reading through the article there are several hints that something might happen at some point, but at the moment, according to spokesman David Jimenez Arribas "There is nothing official confirmed yet on Beckham's future".

Now I know European soccer is getting more and more dull by the second, but seriously, if theres no story then atleast take five minutes to look for something (anything!) somewhere else. There are still other sports out there you know.