Football Week (2): NFC North Preview

It’s football week (part deux) here on planet Shot To Nothing and so we’re going to be previewing a different NFL division every day. And also comparing each team to a popstar… ’cause that’s the kinda shit we’re into. Bitch.

NFC North
A sexy dinosaur and Rex Grossman. In their predicted order:

The Chicago Bears - Michael Jackson
The Bears were hugely successful last season but for some reason they were also considered to be a bit of a joke. That might have had something to do with Rex Grossman... But anyhoo, the loss of Thomas Jones was a bad one although the Defense is still ridiculously good enough to make them the best in the NFC again. BUT... they are Superbowl losers and I'm not even sure I'm happy with my own placing for them this year. I still think they'll win the division but unlike the pundits, I don't think they'll be anywhere near as dominant as they were last year.

The Minnesota Vikings - Craig David
Understated and smooth, the vikings might surprise everyone this season. But I doubt it. I think the Bears are going to win this division easily again because it's going so damned easy fro them. Peterson was a nice pick for them and it might help Jackson to improve on last year but I don't think they have all the elements they need this year to make the
playoffs.

The Detroit Lions - Ricky Martin
The Lions look flashy but they haven't got much substance. Was Calvin Johnson really the right choice for them when what they really needed was someone who could throw the damned ball to their talented receiver core? I don't buy John Kitna as a fantasy sleeper and I don't buy him as a good QB, which pundits are saying won't matter with the weapons he has available. Well I got news for ya, it always matters. John Kitna is an average QB and he's not going to take the Lions anywhere they haven't already been.

The Green Bay Packers - Mariah Carey
Led by Brett Favre, the Packers are kind of old, clunky and predictable, but still show the odd touches of class now and then. I thought their defense showed improvement towards the end of last season but I'm not sure enough has been done in the off-season to make them a solid unit. I like Favre, but the Packers aren't going to move on until he does. It's not that their in decline it's more that they aren't moving onwards an upwards. This could be a long season for Packers fans.

So that does it for the previews, which is good news for me because I'm all out of popstars, but I hoped you enjoyed my skewed look at this years NFL season. Personally I don't even care who wins what right now, I just want the season to start... seriously, I'm jonesing all over the place right now. Good luck goes out to all your teams, but even better luck to The Miami Dolphins, 'cause we're gonna need it!