Can We Get Past This Whole Mispronouncing For Politeness Business?

Now that Monsieur Fukudome is headed to U.S. shores perhaps we should try and nip this thing in the bud once and for all. If only for entertainment purposes.

Why do sportscasters feel the need to change the pronunciation of some guys name, just to avoid saying a 'bad word'? I mean, come on, nobody refrains from using the term 'Bitch' during dog shows do they?

Case in point - Willie Colon, Tackle, Pittsburgh Steelers
For some ungodly reason, announcers have taken it upon themselves to change 'Co-lon' to 'Cologne'. Like 'Willie Perfume' is really a whole lot worse then 'Willie Ass'... for pete's sake.

Case in Point - Sam Koch, Punter, Baltimore Ravens
Look, take this name and show it to any European and he'll tell ya that 'Koch' is pronounced 'Cock' ok? It's not Koosh or Kosh or Kuch or any of those other silly versions that various announcers have come up with. The mans name is Sam Koch - deal with it, I'm sure he has. It's probably the reason he became a punter.

There are numerous 'Gay' s in sports these days and we aren't trying to change their surnames are we? Let's just drop the whole charade now ok?

Awesome Athletes: Irving Saladino (What a kick ass name.)

In the run up to the 2007 track and field season, which kicks off in full on the 15th of June with the first IAAF Golden League event in Oslo, I will be featuring some of the best Athletes from around the globe for you to keep your eye on.

Featured So Far - Nicola Sanders, Tyson Gay

According to Wikipedia 'Panama is a transcontinental nation which connects North and South America.' Well, I don't know much about that but I do know two things about Panama:

1) They run a bitchass canal.

2) It's where the long jumper Irving Saladino originates from.

There haven't been too many Panamanian Athletes recently ever, and there certainly haven't been any superb Panamanian Athletes, but Irving Saladino is about to change all that.

At the 2006 World Indoor Championships Saladinocame second with a jump of 8.29 meters and then went on to win five out of the six Golden League events, which must have been a bitch 'cause that one last win would have brought him a share of $1 Million, (as is the Golden League system). He also became the South American record holder, which doesn't sound that good, but was actually pretty awesome - his 8.56m record breaker was also the longest jump in the world last year.

Having already jumped 8.53 this year, Saladino is definately one to keep your eye on this season.

[Irving Saladino Wiki]

Joe Rokocoko

When Mr. and Mrs Rokocoko were picking names for their unborn child, I'll bet they had two picked out right from the start. One for a boy and one for a girl; Joe and Jojo.

And who can blame them? When you've got a last name with that many 'o's in it, you might as well go the whole hog and push it as far as you can. In-fact they were probably pretty disappointed when their child turned out to be a son for precisley that reason.

That disappointment most likely faded though once Joe became one of the best wingers in the world. Like a lot of New Zealand's starting fifteen, Joe wasn't actually born in New Zealand but migrated there from Fiji at the age of five. His dad is said to have bought his first TV in 2003 just so he could see his son play in the world cup. Altogether now: aww...

He remains one of the four best wingers in the entire world... and all of them play for the All-Blacks. Here he is being awesome: (as always)

[youtube="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zJWZ7gL0LGU"]

#9 Tedy Bruschi

Hey, when someone mentions the name Bruschi in your vacinity what's the first thing that enters your head?

Do you think something along the lines of 'burrr... Patriots Linebacker...burrr... 15 starts last season, 54 tackles... burrr..........1.5 sacks.....burrrrrrrr... '? 

No, you don't.

You think something along the lines of 'Dude, did somebody mention brewskis? What an excellent idea...'

Being named after beer is cool. Tedy makes the list.

#8 Hedgehunter

Now before you start going all pissy on me, re-read the name of the category; It's 'Coolest names in sport', not 'Coolest human names in sport'. Bitch.

If you're going to buy a race horse and hope that one day it will win the biggest race in the entire world, 'The Grand National', then you could do a lot worse then naming your horse "Hedgehunter".

The Grand National is over 4 and a half miles long and has 30 fences, all of which look like the one in the photo above (i.e. like hedges). Hedgehunter won this race in 2005 and at the same time made me a lot of money so, not only does he have a cool name, but he can make you rich as well.

'Nough said.

#7 John David Booty

I've been meaning to list John's name on this list ever since the Rose Bowl. It wasn't until then that I really started to take note.

And it all comes down to this one question that occured to me mid-game:-

"Hey, if John David Booty calls an audible that screws over the opposing defense, does that play become known as a 'Booty-Call'??

If it doesn't then it certainly should do...

#6 Shaquille O'Neal

So firstly - it rhymes man! And not in a cheesy way either. Secondly, it just works in so many ridiculous ways that it just has to go on the list doesn’t it?

‘Shaqqquuuiiilllllleeeee O’Neal’, Hack Shaq, Shaq Attack, even Shaq Fu for goodness sake…

#5 Curry Burns

Less of a name and more of an after effect from a night out at an Indian restaurant, Curry Burns parents must have been on something when they thought this one up.

I thought Curry played for the Houston Texans but according to NFL.com he's a Redskin. Well... Curry Burns; Redskin; I guess it all makes sense.

I'm going to have to do some better research to avoid this feature turning into a farce aren't I?

#4 Chris Moneymaker

In 2003 an accountant who qualified online, wins the WSOP Main Event and changes the history of poker for all time.

The online poker world explodes with every average joe now feeling like he's got a shot. With more and more players, tournament numbers are boosted and soon T.V. companies want in. The 'World Poker Tour' is created and the poker world is brought to the mainstream, with millions of fans watching world wide. And all because of one accountant and part time poker player.

And I couldn't give a flying fuck about any of that because as far as I'm concerned, having 'Moneymaker' as your last name is far cooler than any other thing you could achieve in life. By my book anyways...

#3 Paul Dickov

Ok so if my last name is 'Dickov' I sure as hell wouldn't want to name my son anything that sounds like 'yank', 'tug' or hmm... what else, what else?

Ahh, thats it! 'Pull'! If my last name was 'Dickov' I definately would not want to call my son anything that sounded remotely like 'pull'. Unless I was one goat-loving son of a gun of-coarse...

Not sure how well this one fits into the coolest names in sport but hey, he deserves something doesn't he?

Pieter van den Hoogenband

Do I really need to explain this one?

Ok, ok... In case you haven't heard of Pieter before, he's a higly successful Dutch swimmer and somewhat of a heartthrob in the Netherlands I believe. Hmm...

I just love hearing the announcers trying to pronounce his name without messing it up. Say it with me now, 'Hooooooooogenband!' Boo ya...

T.J. Houshmandzadeh

You know why I love this name? I mean, other then the way it rolls off my tongue despite having a lengthy and complicated spelling??

Its because it can so easily be changed into 'T.J. Whose yo' Mama?'