Caption Competition

Is it just me or does Peyton Manning look like he's mid song here? He looks like he's crooning one out there like the best of them; a modern day Peyton Sinatra or something.

But what could he be singing? Any ideas?

How about these well known favorites:

"I did it Myyyyyy Wayyyyyy!"

No? How 'bout

"Come mr tally man, tally me bannana, daylight come and me wan go home"

or

"These Bears don't wanna battle, they shook, 'cause ain't no such things as half way crooks..."

Johnny Wilkinson to save the day again?

If you don't know Rugby Union, let alone who Johnny Wilkinson is, then allow me to introduce him:

Its all tied at 17-17 in the last minute of over time in the Rugby Union World Cup Final. Wilkinson was pretty much 95% of the reason England had made it all the way to the final so what happened next was no surprise. See it HERE

The only other time I have been brought to my feet cheering as loud as I did after this was when Tony Almaeda returned in 24 as 'the only man' Jack Bauer 'could trust'. That was a big moment for me. Huge Tony Almaeda fan. HUGE.

Anyhoo, after such an amazing performance in the last World Cup, it's no surprise that Johnny has been called up again, despite only having played 49 minutes of Rugby in the last nine months due to injury.

I know it was a surprise to Wilkinson himself but I can't understand why anybody with disagree with his selection.

#6 Shaquille O'Neal

So firstly - it rhymes man! And not in a cheesy way either. Secondly, it just works in so many ridiculous ways that it just has to go on the list doesn’t it?

‘Shaqqquuuiiilllllleeeee O’Neal’, Hack Shaq, Shaq Attack, even Shaq Fu for goodness sake…

Reasons this Weekend Sucked Ass. (for me anyways)

1. Johnny Weir did not win the U.S Figure Skating Championships

2. Evan Lysacek did win the U.S. Figure Skating Championships

3. Sarah Meier did not win the European Figure Skating Championships

4. So far my mission to purchase a Boise State Cheerleader outfit for my girlfriend is failing faster then a Houston Texans draft strategy...

5. See number four.

Humble Pie and Cream

So, yeah, I had to eat some humble pie last night when Brian Joubert opened up that can of ‘walking the walk’ I was talking about and won the European championships in superb fashion BUT… 

I couldn’t give a rat’s ass about that. Not while two far more exciting things were happening in the world of Figure Skating. 

At the moment Sarah Meier leads the field after the Ladies short programme in the Euro Champs, which could mean her first big time gold medal. Also my main man Johnny is less then a point behind that slimy SOB Evan Lysacek after the men’s short programme in the U.S. champs. 

Ok, ok so we all know that Evan Lysacek is an immensely talented and young and good looking dude blah, blah, blah, but despite all that he can just kiss my ass ‘cause I hate him alright? How’s that for well balanced, unbiased sports reporting? 

The good thing is that Lysacek doesn’t stand a chance in the free programme and if Weir can smash him out the way for his Fourth U.S. Gold while Sarah Meier takes the Gold across the pond, why then all my figure skating dreams will have come true. 

Except the one where I’m getting it on with Meier whilst Weir records it on my camcorder. But I better not mention that one. Oops!

In Scotland, Throwing a Big Stick Qualifies as a Sport

<- Look at his big stick man. Look at that big frickin' log he's carrying. Is your log as big as his? Is it huh?! Is it?!!

As if being World Elephent Polo Champions three years running wasn't weird enough for Scotland, 'Tossing The Caber' is not only a big time Scottish sport but its also part of the national psyche. I think its something to do with that whole 'We don't need any poncy balls or nets like the English, just bring us some big logs and we'll show you a real sport!' thing they have going on.

Its like nothing the English do can be condoned and as the English play every known sport under the sun, the Scottish have to make something up in order to be different. Then they have to name it something that no other person in the entire world would want to be famous for: 'Tossing The Caber'. Sheesh, they might as well have called it 'Malesting the Wood' for goodness sake...

And if you think that dude looks pretty nuts carrying that big bloomin' tree around, look at how many people have turned up to watch him do it. Now thats crazy.

#5 Curry Burns

Less of a name and more of an after effect from a night out at an Indian restaurant, Curry Burns parents must have been on something when they thought this one up.

I thought Curry played for the Houston Texans but according to NFL.com he's a Redskin. Well... Curry Burns; Redskin; I guess it all makes sense.

I'm going to have to do some better research to avoid this feature turning into a farce aren't I?

Brian Joubert needs to open up a can of 'Walking the Walk'

Back in 2002 the French Skater Brian Joubert declared that he intended to win the Europeans, the Worlds and The Olympics all in quick succession. He didn't.

Then just after Stephane Lambiel, the Swiss World Champion, pulled out of this years Europeans, Joubert lambasted him in an interview with 'Eurosport Live' (the things I'm reduced to watching...) basically saying that he had wimped out of a head to head confrontation with the Frenchman.

The thing is, after Jouberts incredible 6th place finish in Torino 2006, I'm not entirely sure any of the top male Ice Skaters, including Lambiel, are really all that bothered about Joubert. In fact the only one who seems interested in Jouberts recently average results is Brian Joubert himself.

With no Plushenko, Lambiel, Weir or any other big name in mens figure skating to compete with, you would have thought that Brian would seize the opportunity in this years Europeans. Nope. He fell early in his short routine and barely scraped his way to 2nd place in the end.

Sadly, this is just another case of an athlete who thinks he's 'it' when, to everyone else, he's just '**it'. Shut the heck up and skate Brian.

Why am I so Damned Obsessed with Figure Skating?

<-- It could have something to do with chicks like Sarah Meier but hey, I'm a big time Johnny Weir fan too...

Now lets get one thing straight alright? When I say 'Figure Skating' I don't mean any of that wussy crap that comes under the category of 'Ice Dancing'. 'Ice Dancing' is not a sport, it's what skaters do when they can't make it as figure skaters. 'Ice Dancing' is the Rugby League of the Ice World.

Hmm... I probably should have started this post with a disclaimer describing how I'm a football loving, meat eating, beer swilling heterosexual dude with a twelve foot erection for attractive female athletes, rather than proclaiming my fanlove for Johnny Weir but ehy, my masculinity speaks for itself aiight? I got hair everywhere its supposed to be...

Despite all that though, I find myself physically drawn to all the major Figure Skating events every year. I find myself getting frustrated that, right now, both the U.S. Figure Skating championships AND the European Figure Skating Championships are running at the same time. I'm actually annoyed that I can't watch both events at the same time. Thats how lame I can get at this time of year. If there was a limp wrist competition for sports fans I'd be winning it hands down (er... literally, if you'll excuse the pun)

But why am I like this? Well...

The physical prowess of all the men and women on the skating circuit is incredible and ok, alot of the dudes are 'batting for the other team', but I wouldn't want to take many of them on in a fight! (especially if the stakes were high and the dude was horny). The technical ability of these athletes is really something to behold and the fact that one slip over a five minute program can cost them the whole game really adds to the tension. That one slip is all it takes to throw away you're entire years training (and lets not forget that we're talking about ICE here... and they're on 5mm metal blades to boot...)

Ahh heck, all I'm trying to say here is: "Expect figure skating posts (and rants) over the next couple of weeks. Especially if the judges screw my man Johnny again"

...or something.

After a Few Heart Attacks and One 'Holy Crap, They actually Did It!!', My Bet is Still on

Man oh man, after the disappointment of the Saints loss, what a way to get picked up again.

If you were anything like me, you spent the whole first quarter going 'Great, just greaaaat. The frickin' Patriots are gonna stomp all over them.' Thank God we were wrong though ehy?

I think with that win Peyton has finally proved that he can win big games. Then again his critics will likely claim that an AFC Conference game isn't that big a deal. Shit, he still ain't won the Superbowl right fellas? He's still overated ain't he?

Shit, I'm so happy right now I could be mistaken for a damned Colts fan. But thats what the Playoffs is all about I guess.

And no that isn't me in the picture. Or my pooch. Or Peyton Manning.

A Pointless 'Epic'

Liverpool unexpetedly beat Chelsea 2-0 in The Premiership (aka the most uncompetitive league in the entire world in any sports including curling, lawn bowls and caber tossing…) today. It was promoted by the media as one of those huge matchups between giants that would decide who gets the title. It wasn't.

Pretty much every soccer fan in the entire world knew that, once again, there were only really two teams that had the money to win (/buy) the trophy this year. It was either going to be Chelsea or Manchester United. We all knew it and before we’d even reached Christmas (the halfway point of the season) we were proved right.

Yet still the clowns of soccer punditry played this game up like it actually had any significance to the final results. The league table currently looks like this:

Team	P	W	D	L	PTS
Man Utd	23	18	3	2	57
Chelsea	24	15	6	3	51
Liverpool	24	14	4	6	46
Arsenal	23	12	6	5	42
Bolton	23	12	4	7	40

Between first and third place there is a massive 11 point difference. Between first and fifth there is a frankly ridiculous 17.

I don’t care if this match means Man Utd. have the Premier League sown up. The Premier League was already sown up before this season had even begun. This is supposed to be the biggest and best soccer league in the entire world and all it really is is a farce. If you’re club has got the money, you win (/buy) the trophy. Thats the way it is and nobody seems to care. A third of the season left and we already know whose going to win. What a joke.

With falling attendences and T.V. viewing figures, how much longer do the idiots in the F.A. really think this is going to last?

Thank the Lord there is some decent NFL action on this weekend.

How to Beat a Great Defense. In Three Easy Steps. (kinda)

So... despite their two wins, one against a great Ravens Defence, I have still not felt at all confident with my bet on the Colts to win the Superbowl that I made at the beginning of the post season. Yes I was getting huge odds (11/1) and yes I did do it as a 'shot to nothing' but like I said, I just don't feel confident in it at all. (Even if the bookies have reduced the price on the Colts dramatically and some have made them favorites.)

So, as I've spent all damned week gritting my teeth and clenching my ass whilst thinking about the possibility of a Colts win this weekend, I've decided to talk about the NFC championship game instead.

Now, unless you're a Bears fan or an asshole, you're rooting for the Saints to win this weekend, but you're probably a bit concerned about that Bears D. Don't be. I called up my buddy Sean this morning and gave him all the info he needs to win the game on Sunday.

"Sean" I said "Sean old buddy, old pal, heres what you need to do to win this game. I've broken it down into three easy steps:

1. Short gain on first down

2. Short gain on second down

3. Either get the First here or make sure you can set up a fourth and 1."

Thats how you beat a great Defence. Simple huh?

But seriously now, in order to win a game against a great Defence, you have to use their only weakness; they will get tired. You simply have to keep them on the field at all costs and because you're not going to be able to score on them alot or get the big gains downfield, then you have to use short gains to keep them out there.

Forget trying to throw a pass longer then five or six yards, look for quick slants and small rushing gains to get you into a 3rd and short situation and then be prepared to gamble it all on a 4th and 1. If you can successfully pull this off the way the Colts often did against the Ravens, their Defence will tire out and get demoralised.

Ofcoarse, it is a gamble so it could go horribly wrong, but you want a chance to win right? What are you gonna do, play it safe all game and lose in the fourth quarter when your D is gasping for air and shot to pieces?

Then again, what do I know, I ain't a football coach by any stretch of the imagination and I write a blog called 'shot to nothing' for goodness sake. If I were you, I wouldn't listen to some schmo like me. Why are you even reading this you dumbass, shouldn't you be working on your game plan?

Get the heck outta here Sean, we're all counting on you! (except the bears fans and the assholes that is)

Does chucking your kid out of an aircraft constitute bad parenting?

In the year 2000 Toni Stadler became the worlds youngest ever skydiver.

Take a guess at how old he was was?

Nope guess again.

Nope last try.

Nope.

He was... wait for it bitch...

FOUR

"We have been skydiving for four years and recently Toni started asking if he could jump too," Daniela said. "We did not make him do it. He made us let him."

The NFL in London (and why its such a damned good idea).

I've read a few articles/blog posts on-line recently that have viewed the NFL's soiree to London in a negative light. I have to say, I can't understand why at all.

The NFL is already HUGE in Britain with several million tuning in to watch it. The fans in the U.K. have been begging for years and years for a regular season game.

The Miami Dolphins have been chosen because they have more support in Britain then any other team, don't ask me why; maybe it has something to do with Florida being a favorite holiday destination, I don't know. The Dolphins won't be lsoing a home game at all, the stadium will be packed out with ecstatic Phin fans!

I just don't buy the argument that it won't do the teams that come over any good. We already know that they will both receive bye weeks and I mean, people fly from London to New York and back in two days all the time, especially for the Christmas shopping season.

There is no language barrier and the U.K. is a potential gold mine for the NFL. British people love the sport and enjoy the chance to get closer to anything that their friends across the Atlantic enjoy. How can this be a bad thing?

Am I missing something here?

#4 Chris Moneymaker

In 2003 an accountant who qualified online, wins the WSOP Main Event and changes the history of poker for all time.

The online poker world explodes with every average joe now feeling like he's got a shot. With more and more players, tournament numbers are boosted and soon T.V. companies want in. The 'World Poker Tour' is created and the poker world is brought to the mainstream, with millions of fans watching world wide. And all because of one accountant and part time poker player.

And I couldn't give a flying fuck about any of that because as far as I'm concerned, having 'Moneymaker' as your last name is far cooler than any other thing you could achieve in life. By my book anyways...

Holmgren and Holmgren; Crime Brothers of Playoff City

The following phone conversation took place on Sunday evening via two indiscriminate payphones one in Chicago the other in New Orleans.

Caller 1: ...yeah once the lice get in there, they can be damned hard to shift, but anyway, thats not what I called to talk about.

Caller 2: No, I thought not, do you think they're on to us?

Caller 1: Don't be ridiculous, you changed your name to 'Reid' didn't you? They'll never figure out that we're brothers.

Caller 2: I guess you're right.

Caller 1: Ofcoarse I am! I was right when I payed that ball boy to feed the K-ball to Romo last week wasn't I?

Caller 2: Hehe, you sure were bro. He dropped that slippery sucker like a fresh trout!

(various gut laughing from both ends of the line)

Caller 1: Nudge, nudge, wink, wink ehy?

Caller 2: You said it bro...

Caller 1: Oh and by the way, getting Couglin back to the Giants for another year was a masterstroke. Kudos for that one.

Caller 2: Yeah, that one cost me BIG.

Caller 1: It'll be worth every penny though little guy. I need to know though, what went wrong in N'orlins?

Caller 2: My source bribed the wrong guy. Don't worry about him though, hes been taken care of.

Caller 1: Well who'd he bribe then?

Caller 2: Bruce Mcallister.

Caller 1: The writer?

Caller 2: The same.

Caller 1: oh man...

Caller 2: So look, if you need any copies of that book 'Dream Baby' I got a hole bundle in my trunk...

Caller 1: Atleast our loss wasn't down to miss management at all.

Caller 2: Oh really?

Caller 1: No, my son just had a bad day.

Caller 2: Your son?

Caller 1: yeah, ya know - Matt.

Caller 2: err...

(There is a sound of sirens in the background)

Caller 1: Damn!

Caller 2: We better cut this short bruv. How bout that Detroit first pick? You think you can get me that?

Caller 1: Maybe, I'll let you know. Until then, Faggedaboudid...

(The call ends abruptly at this point)

Who dat said those Colts gon' lose? Who dat?

Indianapolis Colts 15 - Baltimore Ravens 6

I wanted to title this post 'Perfect Offensive line seals it for the Colts' but, for one, it really sucks as a title and more importantly, it just wouldn't be fair.

Yes the Colts offensive line were magnificent in that fourth quarter trench battle, but their D were superb as well and Adam Viniateri is going to be the name on everyone's lips today.

The truth is (no matter how corny it sounds) that the whole team played well as a unit and yes, Peyton did throw two soft interceptions through frustration, but he also read the Ravens run defence brilliantly, constantly changing the running lanes on the line of scrimmage and then watching as Rhodes sealed the deal. Between them Rhodes and Addai only managed 95 yards (I say only... this is the Ravens D we're talking about), but those yards came at crucial times and were led by the strength of that fantastic O-line.

There was a brief second before that last field goal when I found myself forseeing a clang off the goal posts and a quick TD turn around for the Ravens. It felt like it was fated to happen. Then all of a sudden Manning had his arm in the air, Dungy was saying 'money, money' over and over to himself and I remembered just how damned efficient that number four is.

Then again, I guess when you've kicked the winning kick in the dying seconds of the Superbowl, the pressure just washes off you like water off a ducks back.

How can this be true?

In Papua New Guinea, (which is to the North of Australia dumbasses), the pansy ass 'sport' known as Rugby League is the number one most popular sport.

Firstly, with more than two thirds of the globe citing soccer as their number one sport and the big ass country to the South of them hosting all manner of sports such as Cricket, Soccer, Aussie Rules Football, Rugby Union etc etc, how the heck did Rugby League even get there?

Secondly, the only sport that Papua New Guinea have a moderately decent national team in is Rugby Union, they are crap at everything else!

WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?!! Rugby League is only played by those not good enough to play Rugby Union. It is a lame excuse for a sport. How can it possibly be named as number one sport in ANY country?

I'm not happy about this. This is a situation that must be rectified. The fight starts here.

(Also: Archery is the number one sport in Bhutan. I'm not unhappy about this. They can have archery.)

Who can say?

Indianapolis Colts Vs. Baltimore Ravens

I hate trying to predict playoff games. Although my track record ain't too shabby, I tend to feel like I'm taking a stab in the dark (not something to do at a sausage-fest playoff party), rather then looking at the damned facts and making an educated prediction.

But anyway, lets get down to brass tacts here. It's not the first time I've said it this year, but I think far too many people have written off the Colts. I'm a big Peyton Manning believer inner... (or something?!) and I would never be able to say with 100% surety that there is a Defence out there that he can't carve up. BUT his receivers will have to help him out a bit more then they did last week and it goes without saying that they can't allow as many turnovers.

Personally I think this game will come down to a perhaps unexpected source. I think the Colts Defence will decide this game. Manning is like a proffesional poker player man, if his D can hold the game tight for the first two quarters while he gets his eye in and his reads up and running, then I think the Colts will win it.

Either way, its gonna be a pretty damned exciting game.

The one single reason I love Football.

If you went straight up to some random Joe and said 'Hey Random Joe, why do you like football so much?' He'd probably 'umm' and 'uhh' trying to put his unbridled passion for the sport into some sort of linguistically acceptable sentence.

He would fail terribly. All you'd get out of him would be some gibberish along the lines of 'brrr... modern day technological struggle... brrr... mental and physical battle brrr... brrr... brrr...'

Eventually you would tell him to shut the hell up and you would get me on the damned phone. You'd say to me 'Sanchez my man, why do you love football so much?' and I'd say "Well strange person who called just to ask me this important question, my answer is simple and can be summed up in two words."

"Unnecessary Roughness". Football is the only sport in the entire world that has a penalty for 'ununnecessary roughness', thereby implying that in order for the game to be played, there is necessary roughness.

'hmm...' thinks Ed Hochuli to himself. 'That last hit was pretty hard but it seemed to be within the realms of the necessary, my flag is staying right where it is.'

And thats why I love football man. Bring it on.

I hate to break it to you Alexi Lalas...

After the announcement that David Beckham would be joining the L.A. Galaxy next season, Alexi Lalas was filled to the brim with pride for his club:

"The Los Angeles Galaxy are looked upon as the jewel of Major League Soccer."

You notice he didn't say, by whom they are looked upon as the 'Jewel in the Crown'. Perhaps by Alexi himself. And their fans of-course, all two of them.

"We play in the best stadium, we have had incredible success over the history of the league, we have had great individual players and great teams. There's a tradition of excellence."

His cup overfloweth.

"All of this leads to this race to become the first MLS super club, if you will."

Alright thats enough, sit down and shut up Ginger Beard. Beckham is making the leap across the pond for one reason and one reason only. It's the same one that has enticed all the other useless, past it, old timers that can't cut it in the Europen Leagues; One Big Fat Pay Day!

By making this move not only will he be payed well, but his phone will be ringing off the hook with endorsement deals AND he'll actually be a good player again! He may even score a few goals and get to hear people shout his name out in joy rather then to attract his attention to the bird they are flipping him .

Come on, admit it Alexi, the MLS doesn't attract huge players with its prestige, it does it with the promise of dollar bills and a slightly longer career in a league where they won't be jeered.

Putting Kimi in a Ferrari Won't Give Him a Personality

As a long time Ferrari fan (ahh shadddup ya nancys) I found it pretty heart breaking when Schumacher announced his retirement... but not half as heartbreaking as when they announced that his replacement would be the King of Bland himself aka Kimi Raikkonen.

They call him 'The Ice Man' because 'he never loses his cool', but, then again, he hasn't exactly got a lot of cool to lose now has he? Don't get me wrong, I don't dislike the guy or think that hes a bad race driver, its just that hes so damned dull! If you need proof, just check out some of his recent quotes on joining the Scarlet Machine:

"I expect to have a good relationship and to have fun." - Is that a fence you're sitting on or is that really as far as your imagination can stretch?

"We just need to find the best way to work together and I don't see a problem with that." - err... well I guess I don't see the problem with that either Kimi, so long as you're talking about winning F1 races and not advertising cutting edge Ferraris thats fine.

And my personal favorite:

"I'm not Michael Schumacher and the team doesn't expect me to be" No. Theres a reason the team doesn't expect you to be Michael Schumacher. Its got nothing to do with your talent buddy, they've just seen the tapes of your pre-race interviews...

Personally I think its a huge mistake putting someone so lacking in flair into the classiest outfit in racing. I mean seriously, its like asking Steve Davis and Nigel Mansell to commentate on the Olympic 100m sprint final for goodness sake.

Is this News? Seriously??

The top story over on BBC Sport at the moment reads as follows:

"Beckhams Madrid Future Undecided" - Thats the headline. Yup thats it.

Is that news? Reading through the article there are several hints that something might happen at some point, but at the moment, according to spokesman David Jimenez Arribas "There is nothing official confirmed yet on Beckham's future".

Now I know European soccer is getting more and more dull by the second, but seriously, if theres no story then atleast take five minutes to look for something (anything!) somewhere else. There are still other sports out there you know.

Against the Grain

Its not unusual, early in the summer of every year, to see a raft of new, twenty-something, sprinting talents come over from the U.S.A. to compete in the many events that make up Europe's Athletics' Circuit. There seems to be a seemingly endless supply of them in fact (bastards!) and they all start to appear around mid-May which is, curiously enough, not long after the NFL draft.

Whilst there have been several failed footballers that have become track sensations over the years, Xavier 'X-man' Carter and Leonard Scott are a couple of the more recent ones, there have been very few who made the transition the other way; from failed athlete to NFL player.

The last two months have seen two huge names in track and field try to do exactly that however and whilst no-one could say that their performances on the track were failures, both were caught on the wrong end of a pointy stick. As it were.

Justin 'The Gun' Gatlin and Dwain 'the not so gun' Chambers both tested positive for different illegal substances and both were given bans that effectively ended their careers. Oh and both of them now harbour dreams of playing in the NFL of-course (as do I, despite the severe lack of supreme athletical ability, the fact I'm already 27 and what looks like the early onset of a decent pair of 'man boobs'). Their prospective paths are both very different though.

In November and December Gatlin worked out for both the Houston Texans(!) and the Arizona Cardinals(!!) and impressed both teams. Texans coach Gary Kubiak said that team officals told Gatlin he was 'very impressive' after his work out. Which means exactly squat of-course; I mean, come on, I told my sister she looked 'pretty impressive' the other night on her way out to the club and that's only a goat and jumper away from being 'very impressive' right? Surely...

Meanwhile Chambers has been setting his lofty sights on NFL Europe and has been to several training camps, impressing and progressing along the way, according to the coaches. "He is very determined and that's impressed us. And he has a vital quality that you can't coach - raw speed." David Tossel said and also mentioned that Chambers was "tougher then they thought." So... 'very impressive' then?

Chambers undoubtedly has the more difficult road ahead, not just because he's British (which can be detrimental to us all at times...) but also because he's 28 to Gatlins 24 and 5'10 to Gatlins 6'1. They both weigh in at approximately 180 pounds and they are both looking to play at the wide receiver position.

Either way, whether they are good enough or not the big question is will the NFL welcome the two, disgraced former sprinters into their ranks with open arms or will they hold them at arms length?

#3 Paul Dickov

Ok so if my last name is 'Dickov' I sure as hell wouldn't want to name my son anything that sounds like 'yank', 'tug' or hmm... what else, what else?

Ahh, thats it! 'Pull'! If my last name was 'Dickov' I definately would not want to call my son anything that sounded remotely like 'pull'. Unless I was one goat-loving son of a gun of-coarse...

Not sure how well this one fits into the coolest names in sport but hey, he deserves something doesn't he?

In the World of 'Competitive Beard Shaving' the Minnesota Viking is King...

'Ragnar the Viking' the Minnesota Viking's Mascot and also known as Joseph Juranitch in more reasonable circles, holds the current World Record for 'Shaving a beard with a double-sided axe'.

The record stands at 8 Minutes and 43 Seconds and has stood since 1982. Go ahead, try and break it if you think you're hard enough.

Why do the Pats have to be so damned good?

So yeah, despite my last post I did find myself routing for the Jets last night. I knew they didn't stand a chance but hey, nobody wants to see the Patriots get to the Superbowl again do they? (other than their fans obviously, but theres just no helping those people...)

I think the one thing that really stood out for me in this game was how clinical New Englands Defense is. They're so clinical that its almost like watching a machine out there, rather then a load of passionate players doing their best (like the Colts D on Saturday). I suppose that that isn't much of a criticism but its the only one your going to get at this time in the morning. Roger Federrer is an amazing Tennis player but it can get pretty boring watching him play can't it? Nobody finds passionless robots entertaining when it comes to sport now do they?

Maybe I'm wrong, I don't know. Perhaps it just me.

As for Tom Brady well... He's young, he's talented and he can kiss my ass 'cause I hate him.

Last Minute Thoughts

Can there be a less thrilling playoff scenario for a Dolphins fan than the Patriots Vs. the Jets?

Well... You win some, you drop some...

You have to feel for Tony Romo right now don't you? No I mean really, I don't like him or the Cowboys either, but you have to have at-least a smidgen of sympathy for the dude after that drop.

I'm not going to criticise the guy for that one mistake he made, despite the hours and hours of repetition that should have made it easy for him, though. Nope, not going there.

What I am going to say is 'Damn, both Quarter Backs have got a lot to answer for after last nights fiasco!'

If, like me, you found it hard to concentrate on the first three quarters of last nights game, you will have found yourself wondering 'Does either team really deserve to win this game?' I certainly did and even now I'm uncomfortable naming the Seahawks 'The Best Team on the Night'. I spent most of the game hoping that the impressive Pete Hunter would get an interception and return it for a touchdown so that I'd have someone to cheer for.

But hey, Seattle are through and good luck to them. Playing like that, they're going to need it.

Pieter van den Hoogenband

Do I really need to explain this one?

Ok, ok... In case you haven't heard of Pieter before, he's a higly successful Dutch swimmer and somewhat of a heartthrob in the Netherlands I believe. Hmm...

I just love hearing the announcers trying to pronounce his name without messing it up. Say it with me now, 'Hooooooooogenband!' Boo ya...

Optimist/Pessimist - Chiefs 8 Colts 23

There are two ways to look at yesterdays result if you're an Indianapolis fan (or if you've got some bucks riding on them like me; see yesterdays post). You can either take the Optimist view or the Pessimists'.

The Optimist: "Can you believe that? Manning gave up three interceptions and we still beat the Chiefs by 15 points! Our Defence actually managed to shut down the run of a top ten rushing side; Who said we can't stop the run? Who said that? Who dat?

Two of those interceptions weren't Mannings fault anyway, it was all down to mis-communication between him and his receivers. They just have to iron that issue out this week before they take on the Ravens. I'm feeling pretty confident right now!"

The Pessimist: "Man oh man, what in the heck is going on with Manning when we get to the playoffs?! Three interceptions! If we had been playing any of the other decent teams in the playoffs we would have been stuffed like a big fat Christmas goose!!

I'd like to say that at-least the Defense did a good job against the run and in the game in general last night, but against that Offense it's really difficult to tell whether it was our good performance, or their bad one.  I think we're gonna get completely hammered next week against the Ravens. I'm feeling pretty deflated right now. Why the heck did I put money on these clowns to win the Superbowl?

Ahem. For me, as an independent, I feel a mixture of both these views. The Colts were lucky that the Chiefs were so bad last night BUT their Defense played superbly and if they can keep that up then they could go a long, long way.

'Offense wins games...

...Defense wins Championships'

We've heard that saying a hell of allot this season and I guess its pretty valid. What with the Chicago Bears going 13-3 with Rex 'Incossitent? No I'm not! oh OK, sometimes I am' Grossman behind the helm and all. BUT

At the moment you can still get around 10/1 odds on the Indianapolis Colts winning the Superbowl. Now look, I know their defence ain't great against the run alright, but it is second in the league against the pass and HELLO have you seen their offense in action at all this season?

Now I'm not saying that the Colts ARE going to win the Superbowl and there are some other fantastic teams out there (change the C to a B folks), but come on; this is a team that started the season at 9-0 and smashed the Patriots in their own backyard and yet still the bookies don't think that they can win it? And I haven't even mentioned the 'Manning' factor yet.

I don't endorse betting in anyway because it's stupid and you will lose all your money (Yes that is a disclaimer! Don't bet on anything ever or you will die), but I've got my two cents down for this one. On most days the Colts are an incredibly tough team to beat and at those kind of odds I just can't pass this one up.

I'll probably be regretting this post later on after the Chiefs rush all over them for 8 billion yards but, there is another saying in football you know.

"The best Defense is a good Offense." And the Colts sure as heck have one of those.

For some people the 'Sport of Kings' just ain't good enough.

So yeah, Polo is pretty lame and is mainly played by the aristocracy right?

Not in some areas of the world my friends, oh no. In places like Nepal and Scotland (Scotland?) Polo on horseback just doesn't cut it. It's elephants or nothing.

T.J. Houshmandzadeh

You know why I love this name? I mean, other then the way it rolls off my tongue despite having a lengthy and complicated spelling??

Its because it can so easily be changed into 'T.J. Whose yo' Mama?'